I really should be doing my work. But instead, I was looking through old photos of when Benji’s skin was already developing eczema but both Bry and I failed to see the warning signs…and in a way, I continue to blame myself for letting it deteriorate to this point of difficult return. This photo was taken just about 3 weeks ago, right about the time I started showing real concern about his face. His eczema was probably already in place a good 4 weeks then, but I did not apply any moisturizer – which is SO important to fight this skin condition – but kept the “wait and see” mentality to get a diagnosis. I didn’t even realize it was eczema then. I didn’t even really know what it was even though a close friend had it and my brother had it when he was little.
I feel so stupid. I’m a trained healthcare provider. My husband’s a very well educated man. Between the two of us, we have a Masters and a PhD degree. Yet, we failed to recognize our son’s visible skin condition and act on it quickly enough.
Tonight Bry and I were scouring the internet thinking of different moisturizing creams to get, and noting down different things to be aware of when fighting eczema. I also had another minor breakdown tonight, unnecessarily worrying that Benji’s condition will deteriorate and turn into a life long chronic condition.
After awhile, I thought of the countless families with children with disabilities that I’ve worked with…our newborn’s skin condition is hardly anything compared to the kids with Down Syndrome or Autism…yet, I can totally empathize with these parents even more than I did before. Suddenly, it occurred to me just how traumatic and depressing it can be when you have a child with additional needs. Again, not that Benji’s condition is anywhere even close to what some of these other kids have. I have worked with children with Autism who keep screaming and hitting their heads…and I believe when they were newborns, they were probably the same way. BUT, I feel like I know what it’s kinda like to have to do so much more for your child than other parents do. To have your child look different to other children. To have to worry or think twice before taking your child out in public…To have to think about your diet…TO have to constantly look up information on how to treat certain things your child has…
I sort of understand.
AND when I think of those families I’ve worked, I realize I cannot complain or even feel upset. Benji’s condition really is benign compared to theirs. Bry’s been keeping a real positive spirit about all of this. We can fight this, he says. It’s hopefully just a little dent and some additional work to our routine. And prayerfully once Benji’s infection settles n we diligently moisturize him, things will get easier.
Little Benji, I love you so much and will fight tooth and nail to figure out how to get your eczema under control as soon as possible. xx