I’m still amazed at my ability to have gone through days upon days without incident on such little sleep, and even more surprised that I still had the brain energy to blog since Benji was born.
Let’s just start by saying for someone with a graduate degree who has done pretty well in school and has an A+ work ethic, I am actually not very smart. I bet if I took an IQ test, my scores will be in the low average range. And my slowness usually surfaces in social situations when I take FOREVER to get a joke and am probably the least witty person I know.
I have also always hated my writing; I am still quite embarrassed to share my blog with friends and get flustered knowing that my husband reads it (hi!). You see, I’m a Speech-Language Pathologist married to a guy with a PhD who I’m sure I’ve said it somewhere else before, is one of the best writers who really should be writing for the NYTimes or The New Yorker. I should be a better writer. But if you read my posts with just a thick-toothed comb – let’s say a hair brush – you’ll fine grammatical errors, clumsily worded sentences, and probably even spelling mistakes. Yet, if I spent time cleaning up my posts, I’ll probably be writing one post a month because I am that slow.
Now add on the fact that I haven’t been sleeping properly for months. You can understand now why I am amazed that I can still write somewhat coherently and function daily…somewhat. Still haven’t accidentally set the kitchen on fire (we have an electric stove at this rented house thank goodness!) or over salted our food yet. The only part of my brain that has increased in capacity is the one that organizes. Trying to plan meals n chores n outings n playtimes n quiet times with Bry with a newborn is challenging…and I’m super at that these days.
But here are some examples of how I sound with my brain on no sleep:
Me to Bry: “Hunny can you please…uhm…uhm…put the uhm…dishwashing detergent in the uhm…washing machine and push start?”
Bry: “Maybe we should use a safety pin to fasten the cloth on the strap (in the stroller)”
Me: “Nah I don’t like using the safety pin what if the pin comes out?”
Bry: “Do you understand how a safety pin works and why it’s called a safety pin?”
Me: “Oh did you buy more pears? Wait they look like potatoes.”
Bry: “They’re potato pears! They’re pears that look like potatoes.”
Me: “Oh I’ve never heard of that. So do they taste like potatoes, too?”
Me: “Benji’s coos are sounding so cute. Somedays he sounds like he’s almost talking…and somedays he sounds like an amateur Ventroquolist.”
Most of the time, Bry is graciously amused by my slip ups and confusions but I would so like to go back to being just. SLOW.
Well, since we got back from Seattle, Benji has been sleeping a good chunk of the night. For instance, he slept from 8pm – 5am last night, and then again from 6am – 8am, allowing me to get decent sleep for 10 days in a row now. I’m feeling more and more revitalized from these good sleeps.
I have been playing word scrabble while nursing and starting to read articles on the NYTimes or WSJ again (and not just getting updates from gossip sites which at times were also too wordy for me. Or relying on status updates from FB friends or Bry to get my news.). In a way, blogging has also been helping to keep my brain in check. I’m gonna start my Brain Training exercises on my DS when we return to Australia and maybe later download a Sudoku app to complement word scrabble games while nursing.
Question is, with more rest now, will my brain go back to the way it was pre-Benji? Most people say it will never be the same again, but I am hopeful.